First thing about life coaches is, you need to be found by those you never met when they need you. This starts with what I call roaming. Roaming is the seemingly pointless wander that takes you exactly where you need to be. This roaming tends to be chock full of synchronicity events that act as markers. It follows the “where the day takes you” philosophy. But even before that a Life coach has to have his own emotional baggage in check. For if you have too many open circuits lying about, one is about to short circuit. But then on the other hand a Life coach must have had certain amount of problems himself so he can associate with the person. This some times creates the right semantics to offer the words in the person’s language that clicks and just makes the light beam in one’s eyes. These situations are the most fruitful and effective. For a life coach must have a high intuitive nature, he might have the answers all the time. But the trick is to take the information that comes from without of your self on the issue at hand and deliver it with the right words, inflection, analogies, and to the right personality. I.e., are you talking to the shadow who is moody and confrontational or the shadow, who only waits for you to be quiet so it can talk if it is not already yelling over you. At which point you can only take on the armor of a saint and realize that all the slings and arrows are pointed inward and not at you. Which time you can only validate and listen. Or are you talking to the ego who changes the subject when you get to close and break its victim dialogue or just apt to ignore what you said by not responding or talking over you. IN some cases with egos like these, in rare cases, a life coach must take on the role of the scolding parent. Some times the scolding parent is the only one that had any ability to manipulate the person. To take a bad thing and flip it into something positive, but to always speak from their aspirations that you had gathered from their talks about loves, dreams, challenges, and bliss. Always followed up with genuine care and reassurance that there is no shame or blame leveled against the person. Shame, blame, and guilt is something that should be far removed from a life coach. You need the ability to look a serial killer in the face who has changed and truthful telling him it is OK. Forgiveness as long as change is present is key. For the person tends to be eating themselves whole from the inside already. As Augustine and Aquinas said, there is no true evil but lessor degrees of good.
A life coach should never just be some cheerleader or motivational speaker, he must be like a parent to the person. The trick is to assess what age level of parenting does the person need, peer to peer parenting or parent to a loved four year old. To be a parent and not to be a parent. Nothing should be black and white, in doing so you deny some ones existence. The subjective matter should always be, at least a life coach should try, only on a positive connection to life and supportive. If that can not be had, then the subjective nature should be removed. A key importance for the life coach to know is that it is never about them. The directive part should be directed at the spirit when the person is calm and collective and at ease with you. Lots of time the ego is stuck in its victim role, this is a good time just to listen until you hear the patterns repeat themselves. Listen until the least common denometer can be found. Listen then at a minimum to keep abreast of the current history, but to much just enables the person to continue habits. Causing the one to reinflict, even when they are speaking about them, more harm. You as a life coach must give them hope their is something better than just plain old good. A life coach must break them from the feeling of the pain I know is better than the pain I do not know. To restore the hope that expectations will not just dash them from some great heights. A Life coach shall see with his own eyes, show the person the affliction, give them hope, and show the way. But a life coach should never walk it for them. “……Better to teach a man to fish.”.
A life coach has to identify the different moods and know who is talking at what time. To access certain personality types, either shadow, spirit, or ego, one must know how to address them when the other is present. Goofiness works wonders. Some need taps on the nose or forehead softly while looking in their eyes to see change in light or dilation. The changes in the eyes can be an indicator when the personality has changed. I mean by personality is when we have no problem we have a body of millions of cells, a gaggle of tissue, a bunch of organs, and a few systems that make up t one healthy human body. Health in Latin meaning whole. When we get cancer in a cell it then effects the tissue and can lead to system failure. You never know where your pancreas is until you get pancreatic cancer. Then you know exactly where it is, how big it is, in what trimester it develops, an its function along with how many other animals have one and if you can borrow it. The same is with the personalities of the mind. When we are happy, we are whole. When we are not we become fragmented and should learn what these systems of personalities are. When we are healed, we no longer have a conversation with them. For they are acting in accord with the whole every second of the rest of our lives. Or until the next turmoil. They become like your lungs, unless you are running the quarter mile, do you notice them. But they are pumping every second. A good response to the shadows blitzkrieg is ” I am sorry, what happened today.” The shadow looks for any strokes because it is ignored by the rest of the mind. In fact the shadow comes out on regular patterns (which led to ancient demon experts to compile charts of which demons on what day and time are active, demons in Latin mean mental blockades.) and is completely forgotten by the ego. Nothing said during the time of the shadows ascent will usually never be remembered. The spirit is the one that is there who is objective, open, funny, and listens. Most important it is the one who has thought of some game plan for its aspirations. This is the best personality to research to attain what the person aspires for and where it truly needs to be buttressed. The ego is the base line, this is what a life coach has to aspire to show the way for change. The go is the hardest to deal with, but it is what is needed to have balance restored to. A life coach needs to educate the ego to know the importance of the fourth chakra. The ego needs justification, reassurance, joy, and comfort. It needs to stop running away and letting the shadow or the spirit do the work for it. The angel on one shoulder or the devil on the other. The life coach, shadow, or angel are only guides and teachers. It is for the ego to surpass them and one day become the teacher. A life coach can only be the way, not the answer.
a life coach needs to know a full breadth of resources. Resources that have centuries of development are key. Nothing abiogenesis is worth of anything with out a foundation in the past. For it would have a lot of trial and error until it creates a universe of its own that has been tested and survived practicality. a Life coach needs to synchronize world religions, divination, mythology, politics, sociology, history, current affairs, human behavior, art, world literature, movies, occult, game theory, and science to appreciate as above as below. You must learn the collective consciousness and know its past, present, and future aspirations, challenges, hopes, blockades, triumphs, and tricks. A life coach must be a renaissance person. A life coach must always be seen equal to the person, never on a pedestal or in the cellar. You can show fault, but always show your esteem high. a life coach shall be one of the worlds greatest researchers. Autodidacts make the best life coach, for they will research and learn out of a self need which drives them further than some on who is just meeting some one else criteria. Classes and lectures are fine but should be chosen by the life coach. But a life coach should never limit his means of learning or study, breadth or field.
But how should a life coach stop the cycle of enabling the ego to stay in the act of victim. Aggressor is easy to change, a little fire and then coziness near the hearth is what they want. But they may want to bait you, remember you and they are one like Buddha under his tree. They will really poke you in your softest spots, but once tested that is that. Now you just have to rescue them from their shame. You might watch some one in town for years who is an aggressor, but he must come to you when he is ready. When the person has done enough work himself. For until then you will scare the hell out of him. But the victim, clings to your comfort and reinjures itself constantly in fear you might go away. If they were not in harm you would not be there. They need the comfort and justification from you that they can not provide.
A life coach goal is to provide the instant gratification one day then followed by the ability for one to accept something in the long run they did not achieve. Or better yet, to learn what it is that flicks in the brain one second to make what was either an average day or a great one into hell in .6 seconds flat. How can an alcoholic go 12 hours without thinking about a drink, and the next moment that is all on his mind until he gets the next one? How to keep the previous condition? But it does not exist yet. Or how do one get beyond selling yourself with buzz words and empty promises. Like a woman in bed she wants to hear the words “I love you” even if you are lying. Just for the moment of glory, but instant gratification only returns instant failure. On a circle, white and black are indistinguishable. When we travel around the world in a straight line, our starting point is our ending point. Instant gratification is only move a hair to the right into white and is gravitated back to black. When we travel to gray, if white and black are on top then gray must be on the bottom equidistant from them, is separated away from the top by an equal pull from white and black if prone and gravity if hanging. It takes work to get to gray, the balance of white and black, but it takes allot more work to remove us from it. A life coach must be in gray as his center. From here you can travel to white and black any time with experiencing everything in between. A life coach must know how to teach this.
First a life coach must assess the learning style of the person. Then the life coach must teach the person how to learn with the knowledge that there is more to learn afterwards. A life coach must also teach the person from the beginning that they are teaching The person with the knowledge they will pass on the lessons to other. Thus becoming a life coach themselves. From that they do not have to apply it in a profession but do apply it as a friend or parent to someone.
A life coach should promote himself more than someone who is going to give you a career, meaning in success, the secrets of love, or how to have great sex. All of this is already in the person. It is the lost child in the dragon cave. A life coach teaches the person to access their own hero to free that child to let its spirit to soar and grow. The treasure that the dragon guards, the parent who placed the episcripts on you, is your talents and abilities given to you before time. Anything I can do you can do with the right belief to allow the constructs to grow. The inner child is the hardest to find in a person. Toys, woods, games, goofiness, tickling works at any age. But this is the dirtiest useless person to the ego. It is who the ego wants to be but thinks it can never become. It is the person that got all the abuse. The shadow is the one who saved the ego and takes the punishment, it has a use to the ego. It will tend to admit to the shadows existence before it admits to the inner child. A life coach should always be send cues to the child. It is the trust giver. A life coach must just get the child to trust itself.
A life coach must be like this Sufi story,
“A man once asked me how do I know the condition of ones personality and their past within minutes of looking at them. I had answered, see on the table before me. Yes said the other. I will take this nestle quick and put four heaping teaspoons and put it in this blender. Then I will put two cups of milk in to be followed by a cup of ice. Then three scoops of ice cream, blend and pour. I then asked the man how do I know what I had made, ah the answer is I know the ingredients. Did you have to tell me that it is a milkshake?”
A life coach in time must know the story before it is told. But let them tell it anyway until they play victim.
Christopher Jon Luke Dowgin has been a life coach for twenty years counseling people and propietor of his own Artistic company Norgeforge [http://www.norgeforge.org].
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